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Lawrence: Well, I have some
experience in this. I just got married in May, and I did have
a hand in a lot of the details. You know, being the detail
oriented person that I am, it was important for me not to let
my fiancé take control of everything. A lot of guys
just don’t like that. They just don’t know how
to go and get into it and be involved.
I said to her, “Look, on May 3, you won’t find
me there if you don’t let me get involved.” No,
you know what, I set the foundation way before we entertained
marriage. I have a passion for cuisine, and I have a passion
for detail. So she knew when it came to the menu, for instance,
I would definitely have to be involved because that is something
that I am really into. I made it clear from the start that
this was one of the things I wanted to help decide, and so
we did it together. It was more about telling her, “Look,
we’re a couple, we’re a team and as such we should
plan this together.” This is our day; it’s just
not her day. Sometimes it seems like it’s just the
bride’s day, but it is not.
WW: Well, Lawrence, that is the main point of this show.
From the very beginning we said that The Wedding Show is
about helping brides, grooms, family and friends connect
the dots in planning their wedding. So we are discussing
things from romance to finance including wedding preparation
so that both the bride and groom are involved, and no one
is negated in the planning process.
Lawrence: I know that there are a lot of guys who could
care less. I think that is a bad idea. I’ve seen cases
in the past where on the day of the wedding, the groom looks
shellshocked; he looks like a deer in the headlights because
he can’t believe how the wedding turned out. And you
know the whole time he was just sitting in front of the TV,
nodding his head saying,“Yes honey that’s fine.”And
then on the day of the wedding, he doesn’t like any
of the details. He doesn’t like the music, he doesn’t
like the DJ, he doesn’t like the hall, and he doesn’t
like the ceremony. This all could have been avoided if he
would have gotten involved from the start. You have to put
your foot down and be proactive and tell her that you want
to go with her to meet the caterer and the musicians.
WW: I think that is good advice. I had a couple of emails
from brides who have said to me,“I cannot get him involved.
He is not interested. What can I do?”Are there any
suggestions you can give them?
Lawrence: Yes, I can, absolutely. I think the problem with
a lot of brides is that they become wedding planners first
and brides second. It becomes more like business and less
like love. You don’t want to be like Jennifer Lopez
in the Wedding Planner. You want to be his bride-to-be, and
you should want to talk to him like that, not in a patronizing
way drowning him in details. I just know a lot of guys who
don’t understand the inner workings of wedding planning.
I certainly didn’t, and the whole thing got more convoluted
than I could ever have imagined. Of course, when you have
200 guests, that’s often the case. Unless you’re
going to the Dominican Republic and getting married on the
beach, you’re going to have to get into these details.
What brides can do is sit down and have a talk with their
men. It’s as simple as that. It is really all about
communication. Let him know the kinds of things you have
to decide on and solicit his opinion. If he decided to get
married, it is implied that he is interested.
WW: You said something about pick your battles wisely while
planning your wedding so you don’t kill each other.
Lawrence: The reason why I wrote that was because I tend
to obsess over details. I know I may be a bit different than
other guys when it comes to this. I noticed early on that
there are some details that you just shouldn’t argue
about because you won’t win in the end. In the article
I mention something about the ceremony and the wedding dress.
Ceremonies can become a complicated subject especially when
you come from different faiths. I think it is all about respecting
each other. My wife and I are of different faiths. She’s
Christian, and I don’t have any religious affiliation.
There were some complications, but I decided it wasn’t
worth the argument in the long run. I didn’t want to
come between her faith and her God. We compromised and came
to an agreeable solution.
WW: Lawrence, before you go I wanted to ask what is your
advice to grooms about the wedding dress?
Lawrence: My advice is to defer to her before opening your
mouth. First, you have to make sure she wants you to see
if beforehand. This is one I think you can let her control.
There are the traditional couples that don’t want to
see each other before the ceremony, and then there are couples
who are taking pictures before she walks down the aisle.
In my case it was cool because I didn’t want to see
her either. I have never been superstitious before, but when
I was getting married all these superstitions started rising
up. Let this really be about what she wants.
WW: Do you think it would be too much if the guy says, “Hey,
I don’t want you to show too much cleavage or your
dress can’t be too tight?” Or should he let her
go and do whatever she wants?
Lawrence: If you have the kind of bride who is going to
be showing a lot of skin, it depends on your taste. You may
want to tell her to save it for the honeymoon. Yeah, I think
a detail like that is worth mentioning. I think he should
respect her opinion for sure, but I don’t have a problem
with a guy bringing that up. Although, I don’t know
too many brides who would wear dresses like that.
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